We Started Nothing
17th June 2006
Saturday, June 17, 2006 @ 5:43 pm
lately family's problem occured.

i'm sorry mummy, i never meant to hurt you
never meant to make you cry
but tonight i'm cleanin' out my closet.

maybe i really needs some times off from this world.
just kill me, somebody, can?

muumy, i know you have your problems too. but i have my problems too. you just dont understand, wont ya? you are always forcing me. stop it can!? you dont understand me like what auntie leow does. and you never will. cause you never stand in my point of view. age gap, that's what i can say. but auntie leow have age gap with me too. and why she can understand every single things that i do?

when i am small, auntie leow does your jobs already. i cant feel family warmth, family love. no. you everynight not at home. no food to eat. ok. as you say, i can just go down and buy myself. but please, when i walk pass neighbour's house and smell those food that parent made for their kids. what can i do? huh?! you asked me to cook instant noodles. what the hell?! is that what a mother should say huh?? eat instant noodles?? huh??

you say we cant communicate. yes. its true. because you dont understand me. totally. do you know what i am doing? what i am thinking? no, no and still no!

ya, you always said, you gave me money to eat already. but so what??? just cook a simple meal izzit very difficult for you? other than reunion dinner, do we sit down as a family to eat at home??!! huh??!! NO!! goodness sake. no. none.

you said i always eat outside. but can you asked yourself why i everytime eat outside? you think i wanted? huh? you think i wanted?! you ask me to cook myself. but for goodness sake. is there anything for me to cook at all??!! even instant noodles also dont have. you gave me freedom, i can go out as late as i can. but do you know what i really wants? no. save my breathe. cause you'll nv know. even if i tell you to cook dinner, what will you say? oh, tonight i'm going out, you go downstair buy yourself or cook instant noodles loh. THANKS AR MUM. THANKS FOR THAT!

just a simple dinner can? even if it's those canned food or whatever. even if you wanted me to cook. i can. but just sit down to have dinner as a family can? no. it will never happen, other than reunion dinner. last time xiaoyan will come and cook for us. but so what? you're not at home too. so what more can i asked? none.

died.